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Love, for five years
Dec. 30th, 2008 07:38 amI'm feeling a little preachy on the eve of my anniversary. New Year's Eve marks three things at Chez Hull, a) our first date, b) our first marriage (we'll be married three times by the end of it all!) and c)five years of overall together-ness. While I do not consider myself an expert in Love- either eros or agape, my affiliation with Aphrodite notwithstanding- I feel that the lessons learned in these five years worth sharing.
Lesson One: Love is hard work. Bruce and I are stubborn and will cut off our own noses to spite our respective faces. We've had to learn how to fight fairly. I had to learn that just because we're having a fight doesn't mean he's going to up and leave, or even threaten to leave just to make me demonstrate my Love.
Lesson One, [A]: While Love requires that you demonstrate it, threats never equal Love.
Lesson Two: Being in Love is not all high drama. Living that way is exhausting.
Lesson Three: Actions speak louder than words. I don't care how pretty his speech, if he doesn't follow-up, leave him. Now granted, that's more geared toward EVERYONE else I ever dated but it was so refreshing to actually meet and fall in Love with a guy who considered words important and not just a way into my pants.
Lesson Four: Fall in Love with someone who will stand up for you. My most recent ex-boyfriend did not do this on the grounds that he would be mocked as "whipped" for defending me. It's really hard to be with a guy who considers his own machismo more important that the feeling of the woman he claims to Love.
Lesson Five: Looking for "perfection" or a "soulmate" will only leave you lonely. Neither Bruce nor I believe that we are each others soulmate. We don't believe that we knew each other in a past life (in fact, I know I didn't know him until this one!) but we do believe that we work well together because we found each other when we were ready. We work hard at being together. You can miss out on a lot if you keep looking for perfection, especially if you ignore something that, with a little effort, could be wonderful.
So those are my big lessons. There are more, I'm sure, and I'm sure all of you could add more. In fact, if you want to share, please do. I'd love to hear it. On the eve of my anniversary, I hope everyone in Love continues to grow stronger in that Love and that everyone gets to experience the joy of their correct choice.
Lesson One: Love is hard work. Bruce and I are stubborn and will cut off our own noses to spite our respective faces. We've had to learn how to fight fairly. I had to learn that just because we're having a fight doesn't mean he's going to up and leave, or even threaten to leave just to make me demonstrate my Love.
Lesson One, [A]: While Love requires that you demonstrate it, threats never equal Love.
Lesson Two: Being in Love is not all high drama. Living that way is exhausting.
Lesson Three: Actions speak louder than words. I don't care how pretty his speech, if he doesn't follow-up, leave him. Now granted, that's more geared toward EVERYONE else I ever dated but it was so refreshing to actually meet and fall in Love with a guy who considered words important and not just a way into my pants.
Lesson Four: Fall in Love with someone who will stand up for you. My most recent ex-boyfriend did not do this on the grounds that he would be mocked as "whipped" for defending me. It's really hard to be with a guy who considers his own machismo more important that the feeling of the woman he claims to Love.
Lesson Five: Looking for "perfection" or a "soulmate" will only leave you lonely. Neither Bruce nor I believe that we are each others soulmate. We don't believe that we knew each other in a past life (in fact, I know I didn't know him until this one!) but we do believe that we work well together because we found each other when we were ready. We work hard at being together. You can miss out on a lot if you keep looking for perfection, especially if you ignore something that, with a little effort, could be wonderful.
So those are my big lessons. There are more, I'm sure, and I'm sure all of you could add more. In fact, if you want to share, please do. I'd love to hear it. On the eve of my anniversary, I hope everyone in Love continues to grow stronger in that Love and that everyone gets to experience the joy of their correct choice.
